that warm embrace too much for you honey ?
no , did u ever think maybe if your life would not be what it is today this year at this very moment , if you took that one decision in your life differently , would you have been a different person with some other ideologies . what could have been .
people say they are confused about life , they don’t know what they want . what would you call someone who is confused about themselves they can’t decide who they are ?
I once was a person who loved ”love” or maybe the idea of it , jumped into every relationship I could and thought ‘this was it’ so many times , only to get one slap from reality every time one dream broke , untill it came to a point where i started giving those slaps of reality to others . and the mere idea of being in a relationship and belonging to someone scared me , irritated me , made me feel nauseous . maybe it was the newfound freedom ,that gave me the power to choose a mate or not choose one at all .
why was I so enticed by love at some point ? was it because I was a naive little teenager or because i saw darkness in my surroundings and desired a warm comfy embrace .
I believe even if you try to wash off all that is dark in your life with a whitewash of positivity and all that is new and good , there is always going to be one little speck of dirt of that very darkness left in one tiny corner . you could ignore it , sure . never look at it never pay attention to it . sure but you will know . it’s there , it’s always there .
you don’t know when will you be whole , 25 ? 30 maybe ? might not be ever or maybe you never realized you were what you were ever destined to be already all this time .
nobody knows , even people who say they do are only gifting you something called hope because that’s what kept them going .
I clearly don’t know why I write all this , nobody but me reads this , none of my closest humans know i have a place i write and store things at . this is my little dark corner of solace .